“I’ve been a cop for 15 years, ever since we had our first boy. It’s always been pretty stressful, but Gloria was always there waiting for me when I got home,” noted DeGregorio. “When she finally escaped, I had to sit my boys down and let them know they were gonna have to step up. Now that they’re gone too, it’s like I don’t even know what to do with my hands.”
Satire
Militarized Police Leads To Homeless Police, Study Reveals
Sure, all cops are bastards, but they could soon all be homeless bastards. According to a recent study conducted by my own eyeballs, it appears that the more we militarize the police, the likelier the chance of them becoming homeless.
Man Wearing Fake Mustache to Mail Ballot Doesn’t Understand Voter Fraud
“I’m so sick of these libs thinking that mail-in-voting is safe and secure. I’m about to prove them wrong,” Vamosi whispered while walking down the street and peeking over his shoulder.
Troops Deployed to Local Chuck E. Cheese after Civil Unrest in the Ball Pit
MILKWAUKEE – Charles Entertainment Cheese, the ringleader of one of America’s beloved franchised wastelands, has incited violence in a local ballpit by displaying fascist behavior. The leader of the organization has long been an advocate for cutting corners with the… Read More ›
Christ Returns in Full Riot Gear
“As soon as we heard the trumpets, we freaked the fuck out. We thought it was another wave of ska,” one protestor told reporters. “Then all of the sudden, here comes J-Chrizzy, cruising down Pennsylvania Avenue in a beat-up Kia and combat armor.”
Yankee Candle Company Endorses Joe Biden With Candle That Smells Like Young Women’s Hair
“I think it’s a match made in coleslaw,” Joe Biden said Sunday morning. No one had any idea what he meant by that, but we think he’s saying it’s a good thing.