Despite Everything

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• Single Cop with No Children Settles for Beating Meat

  By John Merrifield on September 13, 2020 • ( 0 )

  

  “I’ve been a cop for 15 years, ever since we had our first boy. It’s always been pretty stressful, but Gloria was always there waiting for me when I got home,” noted DeGregorio. “When she finally escaped, I had to sit my boys down and let them know they were gonna have to step up. Now that they’re gone too, it’s like I don’t even know what to do with my hands.”

• Militarized Police Leads To Homeless Police, Study Reveals

  By reinertzach on September 4, 2020 • ( 0 )

  

  Sure, all cops are bastards, but they could soon all be homeless bastards. According to a recent study conducted by my own eyeballs, it appears that the more we militarize the police, the likelier the chance of them becoming homeless.

• Man Wearing Fake Mustache to Mail Ballot Doesn’t Understand Voter Fraud

  By PrestonTompkins on September 3, 2020 • ( 0 )

  

  “I’m so sick of these libs thinking that mail-in-voting is safe and secure. I’m about to prove them wrong,” Vamosi whispered while walking down the street and peeking over his shoulder.

• Troops Deployed to Local Chuck E. Cheese after Civil Unrest in the Ball Pit

  By Despite Everything on August 19, 2020 • ( 0 )

  

  MILKWAUKEE – Charles Entertainment Cheese, the ringleader of one of America’s beloved franchised wastelands, has incited violence in a local ballpit by displaying fascist behavior. The leader of the organization has long been an advocate for cutting corners with the… Read More ›

• Christ Returns in Full Riot Gear

  By John Merrifield on August 19, 2020 • ( 0 )

  

  “As soon as we heard the trumpets, we freaked the fuck out. We thought it was another wave of ska,” one protestor told reporters. “Then all of the sudden, here comes J-Chrizzy, cruising down Pennsylvania Avenue in a beat-up Kia and combat armor.”

• Yankee Candle Company Endorses Joe Biden With Candle That Smells Like Young Women’s Hair

  By reinertzach on August 11, 2020 • ( 0 )

  

  “I think it’s a match made in coleslaw,” Joe Biden said Sunday morning. No one had any idea what he meant by that, but we think he’s saying it’s a good thing.

• Joe Biden’s Leaked Birth Certificate Says He Was Born In a Retirement Home

  By Despite Everything on August 9, 2020 • ( 0 )

  

  Ever since Barack Obama got elected in 2003, citizenship conspiracy theories have been all the rage. This trend has waned a tad in recent years yet is resurging due to bored constituents trapped at home during the coronavirus. A coalition… Read More ›

• Leaked Biden Campaign Strategy Literally Just the D.E.N.N.I.S. System

  By John Merrifield on August 4, 2020 • ( 1 )

  

  Here’s the deal, bucko. America doesn’t know what it needs. Doesn’t know what’s good for it. People wanna defund police, for Pete’s sake. I’m gonna have to constantly reinforce the idea that the people are lost sheep, and I am the shepherd come to lure them back to my home.

• Study Shows That Anti-Maskers Lack Basic Self Awareness

  By Despite Everything on July 25, 2020 • ( 0 )

  

  As a psychological trait, consideration for others is generally seen as a sign of rudimentary self awareness. The deficit of this is indicative of a failing economy and society. Studies also show that unwavering pride for senseless things denotes a… Read More ›

• A Cop Is Filing a Lawsuit Against a Protester Who Threw a Penis at Him

  By Despite Everything on June 18, 2020 • ( 0 )

  

  A New York City police officer claims the protester “threatened his masculinity” by throwing a small pink dildo at him.

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