My roommate Alexa was cleaning out her closet. She is the hot bartender at that one east side venue. She gave me a few other things but the most important thing was this, my cool pirate outfit.
I like being a pirate. I look cool and sexy. I decided to throw on “Pirates of the Caribbean” while I drink a White Claw and ate lunch but it wasn’t on Netflix and Disney+ isn’t working on our very old Roku.
I decided to settle for something else pirate-centric on Netflix and searched “pirate” on the app. Something called “The Pirate Fairy” came up and I got so excited. I clicked it and an error message popped up saying there was a payment issue so I just went to Hulu and put on some political sketch comedy for background noise.
Last night I made baked ziti for my roommates, including Alexa. She said she really liked it. Hopefully that’s true. I heated these leftovers up because I was too lazy to make a sandwich. Then I realized there weren’t any clean forks so I used chopsticks.
I am pretty full now and a full pirate is a sleepy pirate. I may take a nap or something. I am going to make an onlyfans account later. Now that I am a pirate I am thinking I will have a niche. Anyway, I am off to find treasure booty.
UPDATE: Follow me on onlyfans for more pirate content @midcenturyboner.